Why I'm Proud to be an American

1. The lovely combination of pride and distaste for American white trash.
2. Obsessive fanaticism about all things sporty--including bandwagoning on the World Cup when, in all honesty, we didn't know what soccer was 20 years ago.
3. An equal love for bad pop: Ryan Cabrera, the Britney era, Wayne Newton...
4. Las Vegas
5. Horrid comments made okay by the phrase, God Bless Her Heart or God Love Him.
6. Excess. Excess. Excess.
   
7. Supreme guilt because of that excess.
8. Our fascination with train wreck news stories: the runaway doe-eyed bride, the man who chopped off his own arm, Lorena Bobbitt, etc.
   
9. The patronizing thought that imported celebrities didn't really exist before they arrived on US soil.
10. A place where we can argue about gay marriage, flag burning and abortion and still manage to change the channel to watch Guiliana Depandi talk about pink being the new black.