An Electronic Christmas Wish

Get Ready for It

After the success of sparkle in 2007...it's time for this year's new year's resolution. I'm giving you plenty of time let it soak in and begin to permeate your very being.

Drumroll please.

Realign in 2009.

It's true. It's time to take back our lives, start living the ones we want and get rid of excess waste (which may or may not be the place you live, your job, that annoying commitment you can't get rid of,etc).

Take it back.

Realign.

Color Wheel

Could our bright red state finally be turning blue...or at least the tiniest bit purple?

WTF

Rachel and Mark's Wedding: A Photographic Journey

Pale is the new tan?

So yesterday as I was walking to the bank, a man yelled at me to go get some sun and "tan up my pale face."

Wow.

I'm apparently so pasty white as to inspire public interventions.

Taking said bus-rider's advice, I went to my newly renovated pool last night after work for an hour or two of Vitamin D. Despite the domestic squabbles going on and the loud shrieking of a 6-year old, I was able to bask in in the glory of Eva Cassidy and summer while listening to my IPOD and reading a magazine.

God, I love summer

Back from Vaca

Some highlights of my journey to the North Woods of Wisconsin:

What a prat.

The Old Man Is Snoring

It's raining.

Again.

Boo.

Dogs = Children

After a visit and fun visit with Friend Whitney and wee ones Eleanor and Augusta, and my own wee one, a four-legged puggle named Max, Whitney and I are are ever more convinced that dogs are like children.

Consider this...

1. Children don't like to share. Neither do dogs.
   We've all seen the squabbles that occur in every church nursery and preschool across America....child has toy, other child wants toy, fight ensues. This Friday, my normally cheerfully non-territorial little Max went bonkers on his 130 lbs black lab cousin, Romeo over a bone. Max 1, Romeo 0.
2. Children are expensive. So are dogs.
   Now, I'll admit, dogs are not as expensive as having a little tyke around. But dang if the treats and meals and collars and leashes and toys and vet visits don't add up. And, let's be honest, nobody wants your little pup to be the sad looking one in the dog park. (Please note: this is in no way, nor should be considered to be, a post advocating doggie clothing for every occassion).
3. Children are funny. So are dogs.
   During Adventures in Babysitting last week, Eleanor told me that she absolutely had to stay up until her parents returned from their party (read: 12:30 a.m.). Best of all? I think she was convinced this was true. Funny, but unrelated, Max fell out of bed the other night.
4. Children AND Dogs go through the terrible Twos. (or is it 14s?) Max is approaching the three year mark and has grown-up considerably in the last two years...while still having some teen fits, he's better and better behaved and is more and more fun to be around. Not unlike the kiddos...(although, in both, who can beat the newborn stage?).

In the way of the Onion, What do YOU think?

The Funniest Skit Ever

In memory of Carol Burnett's great cohort, Havey Korman, who passed away today....a little taste of the Funniest Skit Ever.

Who Shot JR?

So I apparently missed what everyone else in America was watching during the 1970 and 80s....Dallas.

Thankfully, Friend Jeanne intervened and has lent me her DVD collection of this television classic.

Now, I'm into Season 3 and fully invested in the lives of JR, Suellen, Jock, Miss Ellie, Bobby, Pam and Lucy. It's AMAZING.

Not only does it cover the Ewing family's affairs, drunken fights and unrelenting greed, it also covers more Important Topics than an after-school special. So far, I've learned about the myths surrounding breast cancer, the dangers of alcoholism, and the importance of a new field called "psychology."

And, the fashion is just the icing on the cake...

Is it just me?

Or is this not hysterical? From Lt. Governor Becky Skillman's e-newsletter...

Update: For a complete look at the e-newsletter, click here.

We Are Funny

So we are entering the world of viral marketing (meaning youtube videos that get email around, rather than marketing about STDs)...and the new video's we got from the AdCouncil to use are pretty darn funny, in a dorky sort of way.

Enjoy!









PS. Feel free to pass these on...that's the point, you know.

Achoo

Friends, I'm sick.

I've been blaming it on allergies for the last few days, but really, the Claritin surely would have kicked in by now.

No, my lovely bright red nose is the symptom of a nasty cold and has me reaching for Kleenex and Vicks VapoRub every few minutes. I'm pretty sure that the other people on the elevator could scent out my lovely eau de menthol. I'm pretty much a walking science experiment.

Normally, I would call in sick and spend the day in bed sleeping and watching all seven hours of the Today Show. Instead, I've got to power through this week as we've got Big Meetings and Very Important Things happening at work.

So, instead, I'll whine.

Because I'm That Good.

Compare and contrast away. Enjoy!

WTF.

And now, a bit about the other election.

Last night was perhaps my favorite American Idol episode ever. How can you not love a television show that features a hard-rocker staring lovingly into Andrew Lloyd Weber's wee beady eyes? Or when a tattooed Irish lass belts out Jesus Christ Superstar? Or when your heart breaks as Brooke, America's Sweetheart, forgets the words to Lloyd Weber's most obscure song?

I'm going to be honest, I've not been a David Cook fan, but last night, his phantom won me over. Who would have thought Music of the Night would have been what clenched it for me?

A Fun Game to Play

Check out CNN.com's Delegate Game....Is it just me or could we possibly have a situation where no one gets the nomination? I suppose in that situation John Kerry gets it...

A Green Addendum, Because What's More Fun Than Shopping AND Saving the Planet?

A few of May or May Not's Favorite Green Things
Super-Special Earth Day Bonus Edition

• Toyota Pruis. May or May Not is saving her penny's for this little gem.
  
• ENVIROSAX. So many uses, so little time.
• Mrs. Meyers for President.
• Freecycle.org. Have I mentioned how much I love this?
• Trader Joe's. Oh how I can spend an hour obsessing over tapanade or bruchetta.
  

Mother Earth

Happy Earth Day, Readers! I know you are all excited to reduce, reuse and recycle today.

In a related obsession, I've become a member of freecycle.org. It's AMAZING. Like eBay, only free. Basically people clean out their garages and basement and offer up their goodies for free to others who might be looking for a 10-speed bike or an ice cream maker. I'm convinced that I'm going to find some sort of wonderful find, like a hidden Monet or maybe the Declaration of Independence on the back of four dogs playing poker.

I'd highly recommend it---not only is it free, but you get that warm fuzzy global warrior feeling. Like what Al Gore must feel like all the time. No wonder he gave up on the political gig. He gets to have way more fun doing this.

Making the Heart Grow Fonder

Sorry for my absence, readers. I know you've missed me terribly. A quick snapshot of how I've been spending my time:

• Driving Miss Daisy. I've been volunteering for Clinton's campaign in Indiana, which has included some rather remarkable driving adventures with Sean Astin (Rudy), Chelsea herself and, as of yesterday, a trip in President Clinton's motorcade. For a political junkie like myself, this is the height of it and has been made even better by the surrogates themselves...and their quick wit and a depth and breadth on the issues like I've never seen. After this, and seeing HRC speak at Ben Davis, I'm even more convinced that Senator Clinton is a fine choice for president and she'll definitely have my vote on May 6th.
• Family Vacation. A couple of weeks ago, my family (mom, dad, brothers) and I went for Spring Break in Washington, DC. It was a great week, filled with cherry blossoms, monuments and, blessedly, me staying with Friend Abbey rather than with the rest of the family. We had great fun and even liked each other at the end of the trip.
• Help! I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up. Sadly, while we were on Spring Break, May or May Not's grandmother took a tumble and broke her hip. Undaunted and stubborn, Grandma has kicked a## in rehab, gotten out of the hospital two weeks early and even made it to get her weekly hair do, walker and all.
  

That's all for now. I'll try to be more timely, in the midst of my busy primary schedule (snark).

Good for you, Chelsea

Cead Mile Failte

Happy St. Patrick's Day, Readers.

It's time to break out the green beer, the Kiss Me I'm Irish buttons, and, if you live in Indianapolis, go look at the neon green canal. Oh, and of course, the pinching of people that didn't wear green.

For myself, I'm spending St. Patty's Day remembering a trip to Ireland a few years ago. And wishing I was there again.

In other news, Hillary and Obama have been planning and making stops in Indiana, proving once again that yes, we matter too. Turns out a long primary season means we get to take part in the excitement. And Clinton's stop and tour of Terre Haute with golden child Senator Bayh has many a speculator speculating another veep from Indiana.

For those counting, only 3 days until spring. And 5 until I can drink caffeine guilt-free again!

Good Night, Moon

I'm in our nation's capitol today, readers. While I do love DC and can dork out on politics and history with the best of them, all I want to do is cuddle up in my bed.

That would be because I was awake at 3:30 this morning.

My flight left in the pre-dawn hours and its one hour length did not allow me the 5 hours I needed to catch up on the previous nights sleep. Add to my sleep deprivation a conference filled with acronyms and minutia and you've got me right now: a cranky beast who is ignoring things involving data collection and sitting in the lobby of the Ritz-Carlton typing on her blog. This, of course, is to avoid stabbing my own eyes out with a straw while I sit listening to federal drones drone on.

I'm pretty sure with very little effort I could fall asleep sitting up as I type this. Maybe I could hide under the break table and take a nap.

Well Isn't That Special

Today is a special election in Indiana's 7th Congressional District. Due to the passing of the colorful Julia Carson, we are having an election to fill her seat. This is interesting for several reasons:

• This is the first of three elections we will be holding for the 7th district in the next 8 months. In May, we'll be holding a primary (to elect someone to run---who may or may not be the current Congressman at that time). Then, in November, we'll elect a Congressman--who may or may not be the incumbent, or even someone who was in the first of the three elections. Confusing? Heck, yeah. I need a flowchart.
  
• The DNC has been throwing GOBS of money towards D candidate and heir apparent Andre Carson (Julia's grandson). I've been seeing ads during all sorts of different time spots and have received no less than four mailings (Note: this is 100% more than I've seen or received from presidential primary candidates).
• In comparison, I've seen nothing from R John Elrod. Rumor on the politico blogs is that they had a spot ready to go...and funding, but had to yank it at the last second due to inaccuracies. Haven't heard or seen anything in the meantime, so I'm guessing he's pretty much screwed on that. I haven't seen any mailings, either, although I've heard that they are out there (and pretty in pink, at that).

If votes follow the money and ads, then Andre is a shoe-in. If voters continue to express their malcontent over property taxes and Iraq by voting against anything that seems "government," then Elrod may squeak out a V. I'm hopeful that Andre wins with a record voter turnout for a special election. With an engaged electorate due to the presidential primaries, we may just actually have a Congressman elected by the many rather than the few.

And this concludes today's lesson on Indiana politics...snark.

Please Hold for....My Soapbox

Frazzled

I've been running around like the proverbial chicken this weekend and it looks to continue well into the week. There are errands to be run, prep for a work visit to Washington, DC this week, my brother's birthday (Happy 16th, Jay!), cleaning, chair shopping, dinner with friends, a special election to vote in, and maybe, just maybe, a chance to enjoy the promised 50 degree weather.

All in all, though, everything seems okay because I didn't have to wear snow boots or mittens this morning. It seems positively balmy out at a high of 43 degrees. Enough to make me dream about swimming last night, apparently.

This weekend was not all work, though, as my brother Jack spent the night with me on Friday night and introduced me to the world of Tiger Woods PGA Golf on XBOX. Readers, I may be turning into a gamer.

And here's the thing: I don't even play golf in real life. But it is AMAZING on the game. I spent no less than 3 hours of my life this weekend playing. For the first time in my life, I know what a Birdie is...or a Bogey. And, you can customize your little golf person to somewhat look like you--only wearing fancy fashionable golf attire.

It has inspired me to call up Friend Jeanne and ask for golf lessons when the weather is warm enough. I have a feeling, though, I'll be a tad disappointed when I can get Par like I can on the video game.

I wonder if I'll have to buy knickers to wear on the golf course?

Betting on the wrong horse.

Attention everyone.

We are about to have a blizzard. We are going to have at least 74 feet of snow. You can try to go to the grocery to get milk and bread--but they'll probably be out. It's very likely that you will be trapped in your house, the electricity will go out and you'll be forced to eat your pet to survive.

Or, it's possible that it will go right by us.

This has pretty much been the theme of this winter's weather forecasts. I don't know about other states, but our weathermen have led us to believe that the snow apocalypse is upon us every other day for the last few months. They then spend the alternate days recounting and recanting the reasons why their forecast was wrong.

I'm no weatherman and don't really understand the jet stream, but I could tell you what's going to happen tomorrow--it's going to be cold. It's winter, folks. It will be cold. Beyond that, it's a crap shoot.

I would like a job where I can be overpaid to be wrong 95% of the time.

GOTV, Jack.

Who's Ear?

This morning I heard a radio spot asking all "Indianians" to call their senator and ask him to vote for or against something. Frankly, the message was lost on me as I got stuck on Indianians.

We're Hoosiers. NOT Indianians.

Come on, that even looks ridiculous. Like the word is repeating itself.

I was so incensed over this waste of money and horrible ad firm work that I wrote the group a letter. After hitting send, I realized that this may be a touch over the top and a little bit too much HOOSIER pride.

All that, and no one really even knows what a Hoosier is anyway. All we've got to go one are some folksy tales about missing ears or people entering the room. And let's not forget the fact that in other parts of the country, a Hoosier is something bad.

But whatever. This is Indiana. We're Hoosiers and proud of it.

Simon Says

For the first time ever, I'm jumping on the American Idol Bandwagon. Now, it may be because the writers' strike has left us thirsting for new television, any new television, but I'm totally a fan now.

I admit, I've been a skeptic in the past. I've been put off by the William Hung's of the world and refused to take part in non-scientific voting over the phone.

But no more, my friends.

Along with the rest of American, I've been seeking an idol. I've been with them from the beginning, gone through the heartbreak of Josiah's departure, suffered through a man dressed like a bird, and cheered on the three Idols from Indiana. My favs? So far I'm digging Amanda (from Mulberry, IN), Luke (from Crawfordsville, IN) and David (not from Indiana, but still good).

Results show is tonight, so I'll be glued to my television, while Ryan Seacrest makes us wait until after the commercial break.

Seriously

I'm going to take a break from my normal rants about celebrity indiscretions and focus for a brief moment on Election 2008 (cue stock music...now!).

I've finally gotten off my duff and started really paying attention, now that the field is narrowing down and the Indiana primary has a chance of actually mattering. From the beginning, Hillary has been my gal. I think she's got the brains, the experience and know-how to get things done from day one. While Barak seems fine, I'm just a tad concerned that his experience is definitely lacking.

And so, armed with my increasing political fervor, I began to watch the debate last night.

What a mess.

First of all, shame on you Tim Russert, for your hypothetical leading questions and a focus on the politics of a campaign rather than the issues that taxpayers actually care about. We actually have a fairly engaged electorate and what do you give them? What they expect--opponent bashing, politics as usual questioning (and answering) rather a debate about real issues.

And Hillary. Dear Hillary. She's her own worst enemy. Yes, we know you are getting the first questions. But rise up to it and don't wallow in the pettiness of a presidential campaign. And, stop listening to your campaign "experts" and go with your gut. Your gut will tell you what people want to hear. That's something Bill excelled at and something I know is in her Ivy League educated, political activist, health care banner raising, women's issues caring heart...somewhere.

Barak shined yet again...but with no clear vision and a naivete that scares the crap out of me. We've already got one president who got voted in by being likeable and filled with assurances that his old buddies could help him out if he got elected. And look where that got us. No thank you.

The good news? The debate's not over...yet. We've got until November (or at least the Ohio and Texas primaries) to "be the decider."

GOTV, readers.

Blue

I am so over winter.

For the last month, with freakish regularity, we've received 1-3 inches of snow twice a week, whether we need it or not. It's not enough for a snow day or even to go sledding. No, it's just enough to make the commute a living hell and ensure that you fall on your butt due to ice at least every other day.

I'm beginning to think that there's something to that whole SAD thing. I know that I am just a few snowfalls and one temperature dip below zero from sinking into a Virginia Woolf-like depression and hibernating in my bed until spring. Perhaps I can be like Punxsutawney Phil and predict how many weeks until Spring. I mean, he's got a pretty good gig. He works one day a year.

And now, brought to you by the people on the information superhighway who have no life....the Spring Countdown Clock. No, no, no need to thank me. This is my gift to you.

And the Oscar goes to....

I'd like to thank the Academy. Not, of course, because I've won an Oscar. No, I'd like to thank the Academy for wasting precious hours of my life by forcing me to watch who won for best makeup (Norbit, you were robbed).

Fortunately, I had good company, good food, and good booze to keep me entertained. Along with games, of which I was the winner...again.

A few highlights of the evening:

• My very very favorite moment was when Gary Bussey accosted Jennifer Garner and kissed her on the neck. She looked like she had been attacked by an electric eel. She seemed doubtful that Ryan Seacrest could protect her from Gary's "affection" and opined that she wished Ben was there. So did Ryan.
  
• Um, I'm pretty sure that John Travolta is using that spray-on hair that you see on infomercials. It was unnaturally black for a man his age and had a well-formed widow's peak like Dracula.
• John Stewart did a pretty good job this year. Although he still seems rather nervous to be in front of an audience. He is a comedian, right? Isn't that his job?
• The only major fashion miss for me was some unknown who had a giant brooch right in the middle of her boobs. I think it was maybe supposed to be a necklace, because there were two of them (vertically aligned...the neclace, not her boobs), but it was just a hot mess.

To my supreme disappointment, I did not see anyone trip on their train or miss a step running up to grab Oscar. Maybe next year...

Confession is Good for the Soul

Dear Readers,

I feel that it is necessary to come out with the fact that as I type, I am falling off my "no caffeine" Lenton bandwagon.

And in no small way. In the last 10 minutes, I've taken in a good 16-17 ounces of sinful Mountain Dew goodness. While Jesus died for my sins on the cross, I am apparently unable to show my devotion by eliminating sugar sodas from my life for more than 13 days.

This, after nearly two weeks of no caffeine has me on a sugar high and caffeine overload. I'm pretty sure I'm typing at one thousand words per minute and have a shaky edge to my voice like Chyna on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.

I will be praying for strength in the days to come and vow to break my caffeine addiction "one minute, one day at a time."

Do they have a 12-step program for those who can't live with out Mountain Dew?

And the award goes to...

Finally! The stupid writers' strike is finally over.

Which means that this Sunday, the Oscar's will be filled with the normal fashion hits and misses, long speeches and horrible teleprompter jokes. This, of course, is in direct contrast to the Golden Globes where there were only two people on TV making long speeches and horrible teleprompter jokes.

I have to say, I've been abnormally lax about my own viewing of nominated movies. In fact, I've seen not a one. Unless you count Ratatouille.

However, what I lack in actual film knowledge, I will totally make up for in trashy magazine know-how. I am completely up to date on my United States Weekly and wwtdd.com. If, for example, someone would pause from their cinematic theory on Atonement to ask what Lindsay Lohan has been up to, I'm totally there.

Medical Mystery

So for the last three days, the tip of my nose has itched. Just the tip. It kinda feels like I've got a hair or something brushing against it---light, but just enough to be annoying.

I'm of course convinced that this is a symptom of some horrible terminal disease.

I asked Friend Christa, who is going to nursing school, to help diagnose. She very helpfully told me that someone was thinking about me.

Hmmm. I wonder about the nursing program at IUPUI with these kind of medical answers. That crazy Jamaican psychic Cleo could have told me something a little more helpful.

Here's to hoping that it's not cancer of the nose-tip or the beginnings of epilepsy.

In Related News

In related Valentine's news....Governor Mitch Daniels apparently has stopped with the brain drain initiatives and instead is promoting...pregnancy?

At a recent graduation ceremony at Anderson University he finished his surely inspiring speech with the charge to "Go forth and make babies."

This is nearly as good as when he had to use a stool to reach the microphone during a speech at the statehouse.

Feel the Love

You know it must be a major Hallmark holiday when my curmudgeon of a boss comes in exclaiming, "Happy Valentine's Day!"

I nearly fell out of my chair.

Despite being single (again) this year, I must confess that I do love Valentine's Day. Mostly because of the fun decorating, cute pink accessories and who can resist those little Necco sweathearts? Makes me want to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and start a card-making business.

I'm sure it is a decidedly less LOVEly day for IU's coach Slimy Sampson. You know it's bad when even the Indianapolis Star decides you're morally corrupt (pot, kettle, etc).

Now I'm not real familiar with the rules of the NCAA, but I am a devout watcher of Friday Night Lights, and according to my Coach Taylor knowledge, this is bad. Very bad.

Happy VD, readers. Enjoy your day.

Bring It Back Now

Reading back through my posts....thought I would bring this one back in honor of the recent political hubbub.

Help Wanted

Position: Presidential Candidate
Employer: We, the People

Qualifications: Must be over 35 years-old (sorry for the age discrimination!), have appropriately graying hair, wear suits most of the time, unless conversing with "the people", in which case, a nice polo will do.

Desired traits:

• Team Player (most of the time)
• Good public speaker--ability to speak without talking points a plus.
• Knowledge of domestic and foreign policy--or at least a desire to learn and former college roommate who "knows that kind of stuff."

Resolutions

My friends are making resolutions for 2008 right and left. Me? I got nothing. At the very least, though, I can get back on the blog bandwagon. For all of my readers. That would be you.

I've spent the day so far being entirely too productive at work. Something that must stop right now.

So in addition to taking a break to blog ( love the alliteration), I'm also examining the possibilities of a new ipod. Sadly, during a run for garlic cheeseburgers last weekend, the ipod began making what is technically known as "sad ipod face" and hasn't worked since. Instead, it makes a sickening whirring sound and makes me curse apple.

Instead of sticking it to the man, I get the feeling it's being stuck to me.