Snap!

Last night I won a moral and physical victory. The mouse that has invaded my house and lived within the baseboards and walls for the last four weeks finally succumbed to the lure of peanut butter covered bacon and lost his life.

His lifeless little corpse has had a proper burial in a Marsh bag and I have officially closed the chapter in my life where I check mouse traps twice daily.

Life is good.

Granola

I just returned from a conference in Boulder, Colorado. I'm sure Boulder is a very lovely city and is a great place to live---as people kept telling me--but we were staying in the Residence Inn right smack in the middle of a concrete office park.

However, as if my subconscious mind knew that I was visiting the land of granola, I forgot both my deodorant AND razor. So, I was au natural for the three days of my visit. Next thing you know, I will be buying Burkeys and living out of a van..down by the river.

Oh, Hail.

Spring has officially arrived in the Midwest. This of course means beautiful tulips, warm weather and the onset of The Tornado Season. In the past month, we've experienced copious amounts of rain, tornadic activity and, most recently, hail the size of baseballs.

Suddenly, everyone is talking about the weather, who got the hail, who saw a funnel cloud, who has the most flooding, etc. We have all become proficient in reading a weather map and even know what the pink spots mean (hail) and how to track a storm like those guys you see on the Discovery Channel.

And, let us not forget the real weathermen. The months of April and May are their professional wet dream. It as if they have been waiting all year for this moment when they can show their stuff, give us x-ray visions of the storm and put their years of training to use.

Note: In the event of a tornado, find a hall closet, basement or interior room. In the event of hail the size of baseballs, run like hell.

Hippity-Hoppity

Well, readers, it's Easter time. This means that I get the joy of playing Martha Stewart and decorating eggs (I've done a marbelized egg theme this year--I highly recommend it, they look fabulous, if I do say so), sending out Easter cards with cute polk-a-dotted ribbons and, of course, helping with the Easter meal. It's really the height of my domesticity all year long.

This is all off-set by the wonderful weather outside which is making me feel like going to a park and wearing sunglasses everywhere. That is, except for the fact that my allergies are making my eyes puff up to twice their normal size, tears are running down my face 45% of the time and the other 55% is spent with me rubbing my eyes and increasing the puffiness. A lovely sight. It makes me feel like Claire Danes looks during crying scenes.

Hope you all have a lovely Easter weekend, filled with egg hunts, family bonding and copious amounts of chocolate.

Spam-a-lot

My inbox seems to be filled lately with spam. I think the delinquents out there are somehow sticking it to the man, and thereby, ensuring that I get an inordinate amount of messages related to cialis.

According to Thomas Friedman, the world is flat and we are able to access global information within seconds. That being said, I'm proposing that the world is also a utopia, if judging by spam.

According to my Inbox:

• There is no need for diet or exercise, ___ diet pill will have me losing pounds faster than Xtina lost her virginity.
• Remarkably, I can increase my penis size and please my woman. I hate to burst their bubble, but I am female and don't think I'll be dipping into the world of transgenderism or lesbianism anytime soon.
• Little Suzy needs your help She's 9 years old with cancer and her family can't afford to pay her bills. Won't you please contribute to her cause? You can send your credit card information to Joe in Tijuana.
• I can work from home only a few hours a week and be a millionaire.
• Svetlana from Russia is only looking for the American dream. Will you help her by promoting prostitution?
• Oh, no! Your bank lost your file. Please submit all personal information, including the name of your first pet to help them recover their records.
• And, finally, ___ Company is looking for investors. They are on the verge of cutting edge technology that is sure to have you quitting your job and living the life of leisure.

Hmmm. Where do I begin?

R-O-C-K in the USA

Well, readers, John Mellencamp did not disappoint. In Indiana, attending a Johnny Cougar concert is a religious experience, complete with conversion, goose-bumps and the occasional "amen!" All the oldies but goodies were played, and the opening and (Little Big Town) was great...I even iTuned their album.

In other news, I'm having a hard time adjusting to this whole daylight savings time thing. I realize that the rest of the world has been doing it for quite some time, but we've just converted here in the Hoosier state. Somehow yesterday, between 12 a.m. and 5 p.m., I lost two hours of my life between springing forward in Chicago and driving home to Indianapolis. And then this morning, our computers did not "spring" and so our manual attempts to change things has resulted in our calendars springing to far and then duplicating holidays. A mess, to say the least.