Well, Well, Well: A Glimpse At What's Making News

So I saw in the news today that Baby Jessica (yes, from the well) got married this weekend. To a 32 year old man. Now, by my guess, taking into account my own age and the fact that I couldn't have been more than 9 when this happened, she's gotta be like 13 years younger than him. I believe my own parents response to that would be a big "hell, no!" However, let's be honest, my parents probably wouldn't have let me play in a well when I was a year old either. Although, my memory on the actual event is fuzzy, so it could be I'm judging their parenting skills with no real fact to back it up.

In other news, Michelle Kwan is officially in. According to Mr. Button, of course she's in. So, I'll be gearing up for full figure skating obsession in about two weeks. Torino or bust, etc.

And, last, but certainly not least, something I have been remiss in not mentioning---Their Man Mitch's recent winter heating costs infomercial, featuring said man wearing a horrible knit hat in what can only be assumed is an attempt to look homeless. It's a DISASTER. Not only is he awkward on camera and looks shifty (he is both), but why is he asking Joe Citizen to chip in on the price of gas. Isn't this something his corporate friends should be thinking about while looking out over their spread on Giest?

One Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest

So, about this bird flu thing...

According to Oprah (the speaker of truth in a world gone mad), the bird flu is a-comin'. Lest you think this is just another show topic, she had a real expert on, the guy who advises the WHO (the world health organization, not the band), the UN and probably Angelina Joile on health topics.

Dr. What's His Name basically said the pandemic is upon us and we should begin to prepare. Buy enough food to be stuck in your house for 6 weeks straight, horde prescription drugs since the modern world will stop functioning, and plan on an extensive "snow day" from work and school. Oh, and the economy of the world will cease to function. Cheery, huh?

I'm alternating between full-blown panic and a cynicism based on countless earthquake drills in 6th grade to prepare for the 9.0 that never happened (did I mention I live in Indiana? Who was the fool that thought the big one was going to strike the Midwest?). Apparently, this outbreak will mirror the Pandemic of 1918, which was, as the name implies, a bad bad thing. (As a side note: I was a history major in college and have never heard of this pandemic. I'm feeling slightly cheated.)

However, as a public service, I thought I'd include some links to flu pandemic preparation sites. You just never know when the world is going to shut down. Or, perhaps you will be buying 20 lbs. of canned soup for no reason.

From the WHO:
http://www.who.int/csr/disease/avian_influenza/en/index.html
From the Indiana Department of Health:
http://www.in.gov/isdh/pdfs/PandemicInfluenzaPlan.pdf

Democracy At Work

I'm at my desk taking a brief break from packed committee rooms, marble staircases filled with lobbyists talking frantically on cell phones and trading my professional soul for a good seat up front.

Among the bills working their way through our system:

• The Bill of Bigots (as I am charmingly calling it), which doesn't let them eee-legal Mexicans use our hospitals or schools. I imagine that this lovely bit of ignorant legislation is coming from some jerk who has decided that the only immigrants he wants are of the WASP variety and all others should be left to rot. You can decide for yourself if the jerk is the one who is actually sponsoring the bill or the constituent he is pandering to.
• Fetal Development Curriculum Bill, which pounds in to our young people that abortion is murder with lovely pictorials of aborted fetuses. While I myself would not choose an abortion, I do not think that this is perhaps the way to go about changing minds.
• The Non-Regulation Deregulation Bill. Yes, that is actually a double negative, making the deregulation bill quite regulatory. In the words of Coffee Tawk, talk amongst yourselves.

Stay tuned for other fun bits from the statehouse. The session is just getting warmed up.

Let It Begin

I'm just going to come out and say it. I love figure skating. I love the Olympics. I love the competition, the glory and the cheesy montages.

And, so, it is no surprise that yesterday had me watching Sarah Hughes and Friends on NBC while folding my laundry. It was a disaster. Britney-like Slave For You Dancing, awkward pauses and way to many shots of Sarah looking like a Who from Who-ville.

For you see, while I love figure skating and the Olympics, I do not love Sarah Hughes...or Tara Lipinski. Michelle Kwan stole my figure skating heart a long time ago---namely, when I was 12 and thought I might have a chance to make a go of it. I've even gone so far as to purchase a ticket to Champions on Ice to see the Kwan in all her glory.

And, let us not forget my favorite sports commentator of all time...the Great Dick Button. I love him. Only he can get away with saying such things as "Isn't it great when we see all these attractive people on the podium?" or a snide, "Gee, that's original." Sorry, Peggy Flemming, you'll never hold a candle to Dick. (that sounds somehow dirty...my apologies).

So, keep your eyes on the prize, readers. Light the fire within. Embrace the Olympic spirit. Etc, etc, etc. (set to John Williams music).

A confession

Forgive me, reader, for I have sinned. It's been four days since my last post.

In my defense, it is not because I have been trying to ignore you, but the fact that my job keeps getting in the way. Well, that and the fact that when I finally do get home at night, I've been obsessively watching season 2 of Nip/Tuck.

Yes, sad to say, I've become firmly engrossed in the goings-on of Drs. Troy and MacNamara. I've been taken back to the days when I was equally obsessed with Carrie and her cronies. Could this be the TV show to fill the void left by Sex in the City?

In addition to my job and Nip/Tuck, I've been sick...again. Apparently my body does not like the yo-yo weather of late and has left me with strep throat. And so, I'm left smelling like a menthoyl bomb and chewing Ricolas like they are candy. However, it is not as bad as my friend Becca, who had to take a cab to the hospital in the middle of the night the other day, only to be diagnosed with shingles. (which reminds me of scurvy for some reason but involves neither citrus or ships).
May your weekend be filled with neither shingles, scurvy or strep (or any other S illness), but with rest, fun and maybe even an episode of Nip/Tuck.

Love Shack

I'm a little bleary-eyed this morning after indulging in the Golden Globes from 8 -11 p.m. last night. In all, it was a Walk the Line/Brokeback Mountain lovefest. I've not seen the cowboy romance flick yet, however, I've heard good things about Ang Lee's masterpiece and as for the Johnny and June Carter Cash story, it's debatable on who you want to make out with more (yes, that is a shout out to Mary Louise-Parker's comments from last night).

Other observations:

• Pamela Anderson wore a DISASTER of a dress last night, trying to step out in a non-slutty way. It's just not you, Pam. Accept it. It won't work to drape a large black tablecloth over your shoulder.
• I saw some serious tension last night between Teri Hatcher and the rest of her DH castmates...who didn't stand by her once and rolled their eyes when she kept shouting into the microphone. Seems like Wisteria Lane might be having some real life problems. (Two words: Vanity Fair)
• The most divine stars of the night: Reece and Ryan & Felicity and William H & Faith and Tim & Steve and Nancy, in a proud display of normalcy in Hollywood. Turns out you don't have to be a skanky ho (read: Taradise) or man whore (read: Colin Farrell) to make it big. I think we've all learned a little something here.
• Did anyone else catch that horribly akward moment with Isaac Mizrahi and the toothy Hillary Swank? He asked how her new single life was treating her, to which she stammered out a statement about making her marriage work.
• And the real winner last night: the nervous giggle. Turns out that when you when a Golden Globe, all you really want to do is laugh hysterically.

Leave All Reason At The Door

Yes, it's that time again. I know you have all been checking off the days and setting your palm pilot in eager anticipation. It's go time, folks. The Indiana General Assembly is back in session.

As part of my job, I get the lovely experience of camping out at the statehouse for long periods of time, becoming intimately acquainted with sections of the Indiana Code and dealing with our lovely lawmakers. (I only say the last with a minimum amount of sarcasm).

Some things I have learned from sessions past:

• Expect things to not make sense. This is not the land of rational thought.
• Everybody loves a good anecdote. If Joe Bob's cousin had trouble getting her driver's license, then it must be true. Forget facts and figures---Joe Bob knows the truth.
• There are just as many kooky Democrats as there are Republicans.
• Time does not exist. Bills will be heard according to the chair's internal clock, not any of your fancy schmancy watches.
• It's all about the Benjamins. It all comes back to money....who wants it, who's got it and who wants it back.
• Nothing burns or panics a legislator more than someone trying to take his power away. This includes the governor (whether he's their man or not), their peers in the house and the senate, the lobbyist, and the almighty voter.

So, that all being said, if you're looking for a little entertainment this spring, you might want to stop by the statehouse. It's free and you get to feel civic minded.

Bringin' It Home

Well, I've embarked on some major decisions in the last couple of days. Within the period of the next few to six months, I'll be purchasing a new (to me) car and some sort of housing. To kick of 2006: The Year of the Buy, Mom and I went yesterday to visit some condos that I might be interested in.

I loved them. LOVED them. But of course, had to spend our time with the agent acting as though granite countertops were below my expectations and that I was generally dissatisfied with what I saw. And so, begin the games. When I asked about different options and upgrades, I got an incomplete answer about how I ask for what I want and they give me an offer. So I said, say if I just wanted upgraded cabinets? Or floors? Can't you just tell me what the difference would be? To which Jennifer, the snotty agent, replied, "Why wouldn't you want both?" As if adding on an additional 17K to get the complete upgrade was Monopoly money.

So I will be sitting back and biding my time for a bit while I figure out priorities and fun stuff like mortgages, escrow and association fees. Being a grownup sucks.

As a side note: isn't it interesting that the housing market and the car market require haggling, while nothing else in our normal lives do? I can't go to Target and ask if I buy two bottles of Pledge can I get the third free. Oddly enough, yesterday I was transported back to my time in the Philippines where I once haggled a pair of flip-flops for 25 cents.

Just Another Day with the Wild Wild Web

So, I've spent all of this morning with our IT guy, trying (with little luck as of now) to get rid of a virus-type thing that has infected my computer. Ironically, it calls itself Spy Sherriff, although if it was in a John Wayne movie, it would definitely wear a black hat. (I, however, would be the heiroine wearing white and swooning).

What a wonderful way to spend my first real day back at work after the holidays. Imagine if these jerks would have used their powers for good instead of evil. Instead, they are preying on little old grandmothers and others naive to the ways of The Internet while sitting back and laughing.

In other news, Friend J has joined my resolution bandwagon. However, I must admit, she has blown my "keep it simple, stupid" mantra out of the water with her committment to "sparkle in 2006." For those of you who watch Real World, this would be being "on 9." For the rest of you, it is a simple choice to choose your attitude. This comes following a particularly horrifying first date where she discovered her suitor is into playing Dungeons and Dragons. At age 29. Frequently. Internationally.